Well, one year ago today I was completely oblivious to what was about to happen. As far as I was concerned, hubby had the morning off work so we could attend an extra ultrasound scan at George Eliot Hospital.
Obviously we knew there were problems with me, hence the extra scan. I’d been in and out of hospital with raised blood pressure for weeks. But at our previous scan, 2 weeks before, baby was fine. So we weren’t at all prepared for the news we got at around 11:30am that day. News that they would need to deliver baby by emergency c-section, ASAP, as it had now become really quite serious and life threatening for both of us. I had full blown pre eclampsia and Littlebit had not grown for 2 weeks. My placenta had given up the ghost and she’d survived on the amniotic fluid surrounding her.
A year on I could relive that day, traumatic as it was. I could relive the realisation that she would be taken away from me and sent to a hospital miles away and that I wouldn’t meet her properly until she was 4 days old. But, I’m not going to. Instead I am going to look to the good stuff. So, below are just some of the positives that came from this day exactly one year ago and the weeks and months that followed.
1. Littlebit lived. This has to be the most important, and therefore number one. Some babies are not as strong as Littlebit and sadly do not survive. We are so lucky she did.
2. I lived. It could have been a very different story. It was not and now I try to live like every day is my last.
3. We had the best team of midwives, doctors and neonatal staff we could ask for that day.
4. We made some amazing friends through the experience. Sophie, Littlebit’s NICU buddy and her mummy Kara. Also the dedicated NICU and SCBU nurses, who we visit regularly and hope to see a few of them this weekend as we join to celebrate Littlebit’s 1st birthday.
5. Having a preemie means that baby clothes last a whole lot longer. Because she grows slower than most other babies she generally stays in a size of clothes for months on end saving us loads of pennies.
6. I’ve met some remarkable babies, both in real life and online. 23 and 24 weekers who have beaten all the odds and survived.
7. And their amazing parents. A preemie parent relates to another preemie parent in a certain way, a way that I just can’t describe, but it’s because we have a shared experience. I have made some life long friends through Littlebit coming early.
8. Casualty and Holby City make way more sense these days.
9. I discovered blogging. Were it not for having a premature birth I would never have met MummyBeadzoid, my blogging inspiration.
10. I got to spend extra time with my baby. While I grieve for my last trimester I also feel honoured to have the opportunity to watch it all happen, right in front of my eyes. I watched her ears form properly, her skin get thicker, her fingers and toes grow stronger. It was truly amazing.
11. It strengthened my faith. I honestly think God was on our side that day.
12. You get one on one tutorials on how to look after your baby. For first time mummies I think it’s terrifying to go home after just a few hours and be let loose with this tiny little baby. I had lessons from neonatal nurses in pretty much everything. Being a keen learner I thrived on this.
13. Every little thing she does is magic. The milestones that all babies reach, for Littlebit mean that little bit more as she’s had to work harder to get there.
14. She stayed a baby for longer. While some people may not see this as a positive, I do. We don’t intend to have any more, too many risks, so having her as a baby for longer than most is really quite nice.
15. All the noise in the NICU I’m sure is responsible for us having a baby that sleeps through the night and can sleep through most things (including fireworks going off right outside her bedroom window).
16. Littlebit gets two birthdays, her due date and her birth date. Lucky her!
17. I get congratulated on my breastfeeding ALL the time. It’s quite rare for a preemie mum to be able to bf, so it’s like being a minor celebrity in some circles. And yes, we’re still going at a year old 
.
18. I found a new passtime – campaigning for Bliss – for babies born too soon, too small, too sick. I love being able to give something back. I fundraise for them too and have just set up a Sunshine Fund in Littlebit’s name. If anyone would like to donate to Bliss through her fund please comment below and I’ll send you the details.
19. I realised how much support we have out there. I’ve posted about our Facebook community around the time of Littlebit’s birth before here, but it really did get me through. That and the text messages, emails and phonecalls we received. It’s so amazing to know that so many people care for and love us.
20. We have far more in Littlebit’s memory box than most parents. From tiny babygros to heart monitor pads, she has it all to look back on in years to come. I love memory boxes, the house is full of them.
21. Littlebit amazes me every day. I’m sure she would have done this if she wasn’t premature too, but there is something about what she has fought against that amazes me that little bit more.
22. Kangaroo care. I’m not sure I would have know about this uniquely special experience had Littlebit not have been a preemie. It is so intimate and special. I loved every second of it.
23. I think I have a very different, much more positive, outlook on life, my friends and family these days that has come out of the experience we had a year ago.
24. We get to throw an enormous celebration party this weekend for our nearest and dearest. Over 100 people will be joining us to celebrate our daughters special life.
25. She has that fighting spirit. She falls over, she let’s out a tiny whimper and gets straight back up again. No fuss, just pure, unadulterated determination. I’ve seen this a lot recently, in other preemies. Preemies learn at a tender age that life is not easy, and it sometimes hurts, a lot, but you’ve just got to get up and get on with it. Littlebit is going to move mountains. I just know it!
So, my darling, darling girl. If you come to read this in future years, this is dedicated to you. My beautiful, funny, clever, feisty, little fighter. You are perfect and I love you, more than words could say.
Happy 1st birthday my love.
Mummy x
From this:
To this, in just one year:
I’m still waiting for that post that doesn’t make me cry.
can’t wait to celebrate with you all,
Awwww, so lovely! And thank you for holding me up as inspiration – I need to live up to it now and stop being a slackarse blogger!
All the things you talk about are so true. There are still enormous grief holes and senses of loss that will never go away from missing that last trimester and not being able to care properly for our babies, but look at our lives now? I’ve always been a little bit of a fatalist – and I truly think that this is one of the reasons things happen the way they have. Our lives have a sense of purpose don’t they? And that can only be a hugely positive thing! I wouldn’t change it. Not a bit.
And SO excited about Littlebit’s party. Less than 2 hours to go. Woo hoo!! xXx
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