The 1934 Encyclopaedia Britannica defines “mother” as “a woman who looks after children.” This is how motherhood was back then.
“Mother” is now redefined, in the Oxford English Dictionary, as “a woman in relation to a child or children to whom she has given birth”. Bit of a difference eh?
I never thought I’d be a stay at home mum (SAHM) to be honest. Before we had Littlebit I was very work driven. I worked for a large national charity as area support. Based from home. I loved it, most of the time. I assumed that I’d take the 6 months off and then return to work and send the baby to nursery like a lot of Mums I know.
Things changed when Littlebit came 10 weeks early. Her first 2 months were spent in hospital so there was no way I would go back to work after just 6 months. Hubby and I talked and decided we could manage for the 12 months to give me more time with our little miracle. Statutory maternity pay only pays out for 9 (ish) months and it’s not a huge amount at that, roughly £100 a week. But we decided we’d just cut back and get by.
I think, looking back, that my whole mind set had changed though and I don’t know if this would have happened if Littlebit had come on time and had no problems or not. It could just be that being a mum that changed my thinking about work, or it could be being a NICU mum changed me. But either way I just was not at all bothered about work anymore. I serious thought I’d miss it. Not one bit. I missed the people, but not the job. At all!
Then the cut off point for handing in my notice came, I had set an alarm to remind me. We sat down again, and realised that actually we weren’t doing too badly. Our business had grown, twofold, while I’d been on maternity leave and things were looking good on the finance side. We’d have to make some sacrifices, no more expensive holidays, no more savings but it’d be well worth it. So, that was it, decision made, notice went in and I’ve not looked back!
I have been asked, a number of times “but what do you do all day?”. Well, clearly I spend time with my daughter! We go to various groups during the week, meet up with friends with little ones for play dates, play at home, go to the library, go to town and that’s on top of the normal day to day stuff everyone does, which when you have a child takes twice as long.
There is a weird time thing that happens when you have a baby. Those 8 hour days you used to work suddenly disappear into a mess of cleaning, entertaining, changing, reading etc etc. I swear, hubby leaves for work at 8am and 2 hours later he arrives home at 6pm. Most days that really is how it feels. The time just disappears.
I mean, mealtimes alone take up around 4 hours a day and Littlebit is only awake 10-11 hours a day. Things that used to take me 10 minutes, now take me half an hour when there is a crazy toddler on the loose. You have to have eyes in the back of your head, that alone is exhausting!
I do have to ship Littlebit off for two afternoons a week as I do still work for our two (soon to be three) businesses, so I’m not really a true SAHM. I do roughly 10-15 hours a week doing adminy stuff and the company accounts. The admin I can do when Littlebit is playing or before she gets up / after she goes to bed, but the accounts need my full attention so Littlebit goes to her Granny and Grandad’s house to have some fun there while Mama works.
We are extremely lucky. Hubby earns a decent salary and we have our business ventures too, which more than cover my old salary now. We don’t have to claim any benefits. I feel very privileged to have this as I know many don’t.
Believe me though, hubby works for it and that is the only thing I’d change. When we first met I was the breadwinner, I earned the most and I felt like an equal. Now, I earn very little. My share of the company takings, though hubby works far harder than me for them, is all I earn. I am essentially a kept woman. The price we pay for that is that we don’t see a great amount of hubby, when he’s home from his full time job he’s generally working for one of the businesses. We make the most of the time we have, and even when he’s working we pop in with a cuppa every now and then and have some cuddles. But still, we can’t have it all and at the moment we are doing what we believe is best for Littlebit.
Now, where did I put those lottery tickets?
We made the same decision. It’s been tough, and I’ve found I’ve had to return to work. I decided to go back to my original career of a carer. My hours are all evening, so it doesn’t impact on Joseph, and it means my hubby has free rein over the sky remote 3-4 nights per week!
Once Joseph was born I just couldn’t bear the thought of being apart from him, our days are so important to me. But what do we do all day? Like you my days just disappear!
Hopefully not too far down the line Daddypinkwellies will be able to take it a little easier, but you both are contributing equally to the life of the family unit (and I’d deem you WAHM, rather than SAHM – not that there’s anything wrong with SAHM!!!!) You’re anything but a kept woman and though I consider you lucky, you’ve made your own luck and made sacrifices along the way.
The one thing I envy of you is having the family network to support you. It’s so so difficult to pursue dreams and ventures when you have no one to give you those vital few uninterrupted hours by looking after little ‘un. Makes me kind of homesick for the family support network . Buuuuuuut when I say envy you for it, I AM glad you have it – I’m having a good week of foot in mouth this week and being misconstrued so just clarifying that I don’t wish you the same struggles
Lol xx
Ha! Witch! No seriously, I know you would never take it away from me. You’re too lovely for that!
I wish that for you too as it truly does make a massive difference to me being able to get work done. I don’t know what I’d do without my local family, I truly don’t and I really don’t envy people who don’t have that local support
Have you thought about a Playgroup for little ‘un? I’m looking into them at the moment for when Littlebit turns two. Much cheaper than a nursery and it seems just as valuable. They can go every morning or just a few mornings a week. Littlebit and Babyzoid could go to the same one even and we could share “drop off and pick up duties”
, not till September, obviously, but still. Just a thought.
Lyl xxx
Haha thanks
That’s a good idea actually – we should definitely look into that! Babyzoid could take Littlebit under her wing and make sure no one bullies her out of her milk and biscuits! 
Just had a quick look and there are a few in our village that look quite good. xx
We’ll talk
xxx
Typical isn’t it that you can never really, truly have it all however hard you try! It sounds like the PinkWellies household is having a jolly good try though, well done all of you. I’m sure Littlebit is very proud!
I have to say, that the work situation is my single biggest regret, if you can call it that, about being a single parent. I would ADORE to pack in my job, but I just don’t have the guts to do it and if I did, think I would be very uncomfortable relying solely on the welfare state.
Still, I suppose part-time is a compromise and she loves going to the childminder and bullying the cat